10-Mar-08

MUST BE SPRING




What changed?  Something changed.  I can't put my finger on it, but something changed; I can tell.  It's not my imagination.  Something changed.

I first noticed it as I drove into the sixty-five mile per hour zone just outside Dayton.  I was on my way home from a temp job.  Highway 50 has a slow, uphill bend there, and the speed limit sign still sits on a temporary post leftover from last year's road expansion.  Dayton, apparently, is a big deal.  The highway leading into Dayton from the east is now four lanes.  Nice, wide lanes.  I like them.  I especially like them in the morning when I don't want to get stuck behind a slow driver or semi hauling triples when I'm running a little late.

Did you know?  Dayton was the site of the first gold discovery in Nevada, in 1849.

Whatever changed did so, quite amazingly, for the better.  But why did it sink in right there on that hill?  I've driven over that hill dozens of times and nothing uncommon ever happened before.  What was different today?

When the agency sent me out for this temp assignment, they said it would last through March.  They often say such things because it's more enticing to the employee.  This popular gimmick is most often used for positions that have difficult, demanding, or impossible bosses.  You know, the places nobody wants to work — even in these hard times.  I'm relieved to say that's not the case this time.  The people are very nice and the work is interesting.  On the other hand, it doesn't pay enough to cover my basic expenses.

I had a brief chat with my temp boss before leaving work today.  I wanted to learn how long she thought the temp spot would be open.  She predicted mid-April.  Excellent news!  It may even drift over in to May!!  Ok, so, it still won't pay my bills, but just knowing how long it might really last has lessened some of the gloom.  I can exhale, if only for a few weeks.

Ahhhh!  "Crested the hill" -- it's a metaphor!  Right?  Please tell me I'm right!  It means I dreaded an even lower place on the other side of the (un)employment hill I populate.  A dismal place that's had me anxious and thinking in worst case scenarios.  But there I was, driving right over it at sixty-five miles an hour.  I blew right through it like I knew what I was doing all along.  Made it look like part of the plan.  Suddenly I was on the other side and it wasn't as grave as predicted.

That's it.  That's it, right?  Everything is fine?  I've been anguished for no reason whatsoever, right?  I'm not about to have my electricity shut off, for the minute.  I'm not inching closer and closer to being homeless, today.  I'm not losing my mind, I've just misplaced it temporarily.

The sun is out, the weather is warm, Spring is almost here and I'm sailing along in rare form.  All is well in the world.  This is how it happens, isn't it?  This is my brain in survival mode.  This is where Denial fades away and a specious euphoria seeps in.  I am no longer the Queen.  It's mind over matter.  I don't mind because it doesn't matter.

Now, where are my spurs?  Jake, come on over here, buddy.  Let's go watch the sunset together.

I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.